This is truly crap. I have nothing left anymore. I feel as if a steam roller has mown me down. I am adrift. I function and that is all.
I am rude and mean and unkind and take advantage of everyone. I have been miserable for the last 12 months. I am stuck up and think I am superior to eveyone else. I think my job is more important than anyone else's. I am a horrible person who doesn't deserve any help.
I don't know how long I can go on feeling this sick and stressed at the thought of seeing her accidently, of actually being in the same air space. I cannot understand how it came to this. To have argued over the horses is one thing, but to have to get through the personal abuse and carry on with normality is bloody hard I do not know what to do next. If it stays like this I will have to move. this is not why I have a horse, I have a horse to stop me being stressed, to give me someting to look forward to. Sell him or move, both are unthinkable.
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